Cartesy

Gassing up at my local Mobil station this morning, I noticed an ad above the pump that made me laugh. It was an ad for a MINI Cooper, a car I admire greatly, but haven't been able to convince Mrs. Boston Crazy Driving of its practicality. ("How are you going to put a baby seat in there?" To which I blithely respond, "You need a baby before the baby seat.")

MINI has a new campaign called "Word of the Day," in which they define some kind of made up words that relates to driving. The one of the Web site when I went to find an example to link to was Roverdriving: the act of driving with a dog on you lap. Cute. The one on the ad at the gas station was Cartesy: When you let someone merge into your lane. I'd link, but the site is heavy on the Flash applications, and it makes visitors download the Word of the Day.

Anyway, I have benefited from cartesy before, and I have been "carteous," but I'm not the type to stop a line of traffic behind me to let someone go. That is discarteous to the people behind me who all have the right of way to the lane we are in.

That's not to say I won't let someone in or cut across. I'm not an ogre. I just don't believe in going from 40 to 0 to let someone out of a side street or make a left across my lane. I can't count how many times someone almost got my grill in his or her trunk because I didn't expect traffic to come to a complete stop to let someone out from a side street. It's just illogical to me. There's a driver with only one car behind him, and he stops to let someone turn left when the two cars could pass and the person could make the turn.

The worst example of this was on Route 1A North in Dedham. This was a few years ago, and the economical Ford Focus I was driving at the time almost became a Ford No-cus. There's a brief stretch of 1A, also Washington Street, where it is two lanes in each direction. A van heading SOUTH puts on his left turn signal and stops. Then the driver in front of me IN THE RIGHT NORTHBOUND LANE stops to let the van turn. Ours were the only three vehicles on the road at that moment. Then, because I had the nerve to beep at the driver for nearly causing an accident, the person got upset at me and followed me while flashing the brights and beeping the horns.

Let's think about this for a minute. You're bonehead maneuver almost got you into a serious accident, which would have been my fault by insurance rules, and you have the cajones to get mad at me? Wow. That is a big pair.

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posted by Tim @ 5:45 PM (0) comments

Cape ride (second in a series)

On our way home from the Cape on June 5, Mrs. Boston Crazy Driving and I noticed a choke point (not a place to get out and choke an annoying driver) at the foot of the Sagamore Bridge. It's where Route 6A enters the highway just before the bridge actually starts. A couple days later, I e-mailed MassHighway to suggest they close this on-ramp or the much-ballyhooed "flyover" ramps that are being built now will be a big bust for people trying to get off-Cape.

Yesterday (Yes, three weeks later), I received an impersonal e-mail from MassHighway that was neither properly addressed, nor was it signed. When I submitted the e-mail, I willingly gave my name and address.

Here's what MassHighway District 5 had to say (the punctuation mistakes are theirs).

The approach speeds to the Sagamore Bridge are reduced to 40 MPH, this makes merging from Cranberry Highway to Route 6 westbound safer than a merge at higher speeds. There are no immediate plans to adjust or remove this on-ramp. Re-directing local traffic to enter the Route 6 west stream at Exits 2 & 3 would only increase the merging maneuvers at those interchanges.

It would also place a great deal of motorists unnecessarily on Town roads which may adversely impact police and fire response times to various incidents. Increasing these motorists travel time would also increase the levels of vehicle emissions and reduce air quality in the area.

I replied saying "thanks for the red herrings!" All this e-mail does is perpetuate NIMBY myths, and it serves up easy excuses why they shouldn't do it. Typical of bureaucrats. Let's take their reasons individually.

Approach speeds are 40 MPH. Right. Who goes 40 when there isn't traffic? Who goes 40, let alone 14 MPH, when there is traffic?

Increased merge maneuvers at Exits 2 and 3. Funny, that was EXACTLY my suggestion. By forcing the traffic to merge further east of the bridge, it allows time for the cars to sort so that by the time they get to the bridge, they can whisk over -- you know, at 40.

More cars on Town roads. If I'm not mistaken, Route 6A, is a surface road in a few towns. It's a state road, yes, but it's still part of the town. Especially where it backs up, isn't that Bourne and Sandwich? I wasn't suggesting solving the traffic problem on Route 6A. That would take a force of God to do. No, I was suggesting move the traffic to roads that are better equipped to handle it. Take Exit 3 for example. If memory serves, the road that connects Routes 6 and 6A is 80 feet wide nearly to its terminus at 6A. The state could upgrade that intersection with signals and turning lanes, and it would move the traffic through more appropriately, rather than pushing everyone together at a stop sign near the Shawme Crowell State Forest Campground.

Adversely impact response times. First of all, what does adversely impact mean? That's government speak for reduce. Impact is not a verb, but it's a nicer way of delivering bad news. I really had to laugh at the notion that moving the traffic off a road that wasn't designed to handle it to a road which can, more or less, wouldn't IMPROVE response times. Just imagine if the Christmas Tree Shop was robbed at gunpoint and someone made off with a carriage full of $1.99 garden gnomes. How would the cops get to the robbers under present conditions?

Increasing travel times would increase vehicle emissions. This actually produced a guffaw. I don't guffaw often, either. Can anyone else appreciate the doublespeak? If MassHighway were proposing this project, it would reject claims of increased vehicle emissions made by residents it deemed NIMBYs. What's more, I bet a real study of this traffic suggestion would actually show REDUCED travel time, and therefore reduced emissions. If nothing else, it would at least concentrate the emissions to the Route 6 corridor through most of Sandwich. At present, in traffic, it takes about 40 minutes to go from the State Forest to the bridge. That's 40 minutes of idling. With the flyover ramps connecting the bridge directly to Route 3, the hope is that traffic heading off-Cape would move uninterrupted over the bridge. Without having to negotiate the traffic circle, most everyone agrees it will reduce the queue length on the Cape side of the bridge, and therefore reducing idling time on Route 6. Making Route 6A traffic merge earlier would also alleviate the queue lengths on Route 6A.

At least, that's what seems logical to me. Don't be fooled, Dear Reader, I never expected a government automaton to take my suggestion seriously. After all, what do I know? I only drive these roads.

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posted by Tim @ 8:40 AM (0) comments

I'm not alone (another in a series)

Thanks to Universal Hub for pointing out this driver. Further proof that my rants here are not done in the vaccuum of my car.

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posted by Tim @ 7:45 AM (1) comments

Tub thumping

The warm weather brings with it fewer clothes and rolled down windows. The latter can be a problem when trying to balance our need for fresh air and the intrusion of noise.

While noise doesn't bother me much, the occasional loud chopper runs right up my spine. But what gets really bothersome is someone with the radio cranked and the windows down. Most of the time, I like the music emanating from the lowered Honda Civic. It has a good beat, even if I don't recognize some of it. But sometimes it can be downright annoying, and just sounds like bad tub thumping.

Case in point, I was listening to a song recently and I had the radio up and the windows down. I didn't have it cranked, though. Alongside of me comes a mid-90s Lexus with all windows down and a kickin' system that seemed like it was pushing about 10,000 watts. This thing could have powered the sound system at the Hatch Shell on the Fourth of July. Out of it came some kind of high bass house music that rattled my mirrors. I could feel it in my seat.

Even though I couldn't compete with this guy with my measly stock stereo, I did try. I moved the dial to WBUR and turned my radio to 11, (because this one goes to 11). As his song ended, the voice of Michele Norris blasted out my windows. The guy looked at me as if I was the one being rude. I laughed as the light turned green and I let him beat me off the mark.

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posted by Tim @ 11:50 PM (0) comments

At what point was this a good idea?

Riding home from the Cape on Sunday, I was back in the South Shore Plaza area, and making great time. Unbelievably, there was no traffic at the Sagamore Bridge. None.

As I was driving through the 3/93 Split in Braintree, I pulled in behind a boat being pulled by a pickup truck. This is a normal sight this time of year. No big deal. It almost blended into the surroundings, until I realized something didn't seem quite right. I didn't have to look closely, but I did have to stare to make sure I was seeing what I was seeing.

Sticking out of the boat, were two couches, or two pieces of one sectional couch. I wish I had my camera. It was a big couch set and it was sticking out of the boat. It, and its cushions, were tied down of course, but it didn't look like the load could handle 70 mph wind speeds much longer. Something was going to fly away.

The boat trailer and the truck were both registered in New Hampshire. Now I know their way of thinking up there is a little different, but I didn't think it was different enough to think this was OK. Then I wondered, "How many Bud Lights does it take for this to seem like a good idea?"

"Hey, Stan, can you give me a hand? I need to bring a couch from the South Shore to New Hampshire."

"Sure, Dan. Oh, wait, the bed of my truck is full of boat stuff, and I'm bringing my boat home. Let's go that bar we saw and watch the Red Sox. We'll have a couple beers and some nachos and figure out a way."

By about the sixth inning it hits them.

"Hey, Stan, I have an idea. Let's put the couch in your boat."

"Whoa! I don't know. I don't think it'll handle the salt spray too good."

"No, dumbass. We can put the couch into the boat, tie it down and take it to my house."

"That is a great idea, Dan!" They seal it with a clink of the necks of their Bud Lights, and the next afternoon they loaded up the two sections of couch and moved to Beverly, Hills that is. Oh wait. Wrong story.

I should add that either the trailer lights weren't working, or didn't work. Or the driver simply didn't see the need to use a directional. After the highway picked up the two lanes coming in from the Distressway, he just started moving right without advanced warning. People got the picture, though, including the person in line with the boat and trailer in the lane he was drifting into.

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posted by Tim @ 8:50 AM (0) comments

There's never a cop ... Oh wait, there's one!

On the way to the Cape on Friday evening there was some kind of slow down on Route 128 South, which is also Route 93 North, in Randolph between the Rout 28 and South Shore Plaza exits. Turns out its was a gahkablahcka.

Three staties had the driver of an SUV sitting on the ground in handcuffs while they turned out its entire contents. Since this was the "COPS" in real life, EVERYONE had to slow down to look. Obviously I did, too. When in Rome...

As I was approaching the exiting scene, I saw a Hyundai rolling along in the breakdown lane, apparently in a rush to get to Sam Goody. As soon as the driver spotted the staties, the Hyundai fell in a few cars behind me. Lucky bastard. I wouldn't have let the car in. Doesn't matter. The state cops spotted it, and stopped the car in its lane of travel. I couldn't see if they cited the driver, but boy I hope they did. Cops have been killed by people driving in the breakdown lane to beat traffic. It's a $100 fine for doing it, but it should be more.

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posted by Tim @ 8:30 AM (0) comments

I MUST ... get in ... THIS space... NOW!

One of the reasons I started writing this weblog was for situations like one I experienced today.

Driving in typical summer Friday traffic in the typical afternoon clusterfuck coming out of the 93 South tunnel, there was this work van that had picked the spot between me and the car in front of me to merge from Route 90. It was nothing to him to move right across the cross-hatch painted on the road that is supposed to force traffic to merge further on.

This miserable driver (obviously upset he isn't a state worker who had the day off in honor of Bunker Hill Day), decided he MUST fit between me and the guy in front of me. Well, to me, a blinker isn't reason enough to let someone in, especially someone who is deliberately trying to cut in line. Nobody likes a cutter.

I kept on the tail of the guy in front of me to let this van driver know that he was welcome to fall in behind me. Instead, he gunned it, almost took out my driver's quarter panel and almost rear-ended the guy in front of me. That would have been a great scene.

"Well officer, I was in my lane of travel and the van driver came out of nowhere, didn't brake and slammed into me and the guy in front of me."

Hmmm. Who would be at fault?

Now that he was in front of me, I took note of the lettering on the truck. K Hardwood Floor Sanding. There was a number. 617-786-8720. I dialed. I got K's voicemail as his driver (could have been K himself in an awful rush) pushed the van across more lanes to speed down the Mass. Ave exit.

"Hi K! It's 3:45 on Friday. I'm on 93 South and one of your drivers nearly drove me out of my lane as he was trying to merge. Have a nice weekend."

The number is still in my cell phone. Perhaps I should call Quincy-based K again.

If there's one thing I hate is a pushy driver. I'm stubborn, but not pushy. If there's one thing I hate more, it's a pushy driver in a marked work vehicle. As I have said before, I believe it's important for businesses to act like they are always on the job. If their drivers are being aggressive, and putting other drivers in harm's way, I won't patronize them.

So, K, I have hardwood floors all throughout the first floor of my modest house. I know one refinisher I won't call when they need to be done again.

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posted by Tim @ 6:29 PM (0) comments

Cape ride (first in a series)

Since about the first of May, I've been driving to the Cape (mostly via Route 3 and the Sagamore) almost every weekend. I'd like to say that the visits were for fun in the sun, but they weren't. The first three weeks in May, it rained. But for what I am doing, interior redecorating, it doesn't matter what the weather is.

Being one of a few people in my family with certain skills (hanging wallpaper), I have been employed most weekends in redoing two rooms in a Dennisport cottage to ready it for this summer's rentals. I just finished the wallpapering this weekend, and have only a couple minor exterior projects to finish to get the cottage into ship shape.

By now, dear Reader, you are probably wondering why a weblog about crazy driving is waxing on about Cape projects. Here's why. It sets the stage for a few observations about Cape driving, which is almost entirely worth its own weblog (though I'm not going to be the one to create and keep up that one). I will make them over a series of posts. This one is about left-lane driving.

For starters, getting there is an interesting experience. I grew up taking Route 3 until Route 25 connected 495 to the Bourne Bridge. After that, I opted to drive through Middleborough rather than Plymouth to get over the canal. Since marrying, though, it is far more logical for me to take Route 3 from my inside-Route 128-lifestyle. So I do. The backups haven't been bad at all on Friday nights lately, even with the construction of the wondrous (though possibly ineffective) flyover ramps at the Sagamore. I say ineffective because unless the plans call for closing the Route 6A onramp on the Cape side of the bridge, it's going to be a parking lot getting off-Cape, not matter what.

I digress. Riding Route 3 has given me a new perspective on Masshole driving. For starters, the left lane is for lightspeed and the right lane is for crawlers. Anyone in between has to weave a thread. I keep up with traffic. That means if traffic is going 5 or 10 miles over the speed limit, I do, too. My usual is about 70, and the speed limit is 60 on Route 3. That's about fair. I'm not going to get a whopper of a ticket if I get picked, and I'm not holding up traffic either.

But there are some people who are in such a rush to get to their fun in the sun, that they must tailgate so closely, and ride so far to the left that they have the look of anticipation the way a kid does when he has to go pee real bad. That's why I call it the pee-pee dance.

Under normal conditions (and nothing is normal for Cape traffic in the summer) I would throw out the anchor and make the antsy driver go around. In these cases, I don't throw out the anchor, but I do keep my speed constant. It's not that I feel like I need to control the speed of anyone else, it's just that I'm here and I ain't movin'. Usually that causes a few "friendly" flashes of the lights. I don't get that though, is that supposed to intimidate me? Are flashing lights the international signal for having to go pee real bad? What? What really bugs me is the guy who flashes me when I am in a long and visible line of drivers. His flashes aren't going to be seen by the guy leading the pack four cars up, so am I supposed to pass it along or something? Am I interrupting some classic game of highway telephone?

One night, I left particularly late. It was well after dark as I was driving through Plymouth. There were only a few cars on the road, and one of them was beside me when a jacked up Dodge Ram raced up behind me. Within seconds I got the flash of brights. I picked it up a bit, hoping to pass the guy on my right so the truck could pass. He didn't. He stayed right on my bumper even though the right lane was wide open. He drifted left to get his lights in my sideview mirror and tried to blind me by switching on his brights and leaving them on. I moved left and turned my mirror towards the ground. This went on for several miles. It was just the two of us passing slower cars in the right lane that came up every now and then. Finally, he got off at exit 2, but not before blowing around me and locking up his brakes just to make me jam on mine at 70 mph.

Things were quiet for the rest of the ride, and it gave me time to think about this pud. One question I couldn't answer was, Why was he so insistent that I move? He could have solved his problem by going around me. I guess he thought it was his right because people usually give way to a pissy truck driver who has to go pee real bad.

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posted by Tim @ 12:28 AM (5) comments

A great bumper sticker

On the way home today, the typical Friday-afternoon-in-summer-gridlock forced me onto surface streets. I won't admit which, because the particular route I take is only slowed by traffic lights. I was stopped at a light somewhere in Southie I saw a great bumper sticker:


It also gave this address: www.masshole.net. There's not much to this site ... yet, but I suspect there will be more soon because there's tons of examples of Masshole driving.

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posted by Tim @ 4:14 PM (0) comments